What Does Emotional Intimacy Look Like in a Christ-Centered Marriage

  • Two confident people doing life together and enjoying it, even when some of it stinks. 
  • Trusting your spouse has your back, being best friends, life similar to when you dated–but it never will be because now we have way more responsibility.
  • Wanting to give to one another of time and resources.
  • Wanting God’s best for your spouse and praying for how to get there.



Emotional intimacy is huge!  A lot of men don’t understand it, but they like the results when it’s working right. In fact, women do too. When emotional intimacy is right in a relationship, we are close to being “one”. We enjoy being together and doing things which could include sitting and talking for an hour, or riding a motorcycle together for an hour without a word being spoken. We are not fighting or picking on each other; there’s no sarcasm, “it’s all good”. We feel peace, joy and contentment.

So how do we get there?  


Number One: Deny Self 

I am the greatest hindrance to emotional intimacy in my marriage. When it is all about me, my wants, my expectations, and my rules, things deteriorate quickly. Needless to say, the same can be said about your spouse. Careful, some couples get caught right here. One spouse is a “pleaser” and will act in an unhealthy way to please their spouse. This works great for a little while until they are sick of it, then it all falls apart. When both spouses genuinely give to each other, their marriage will thrive. Marriage is a team “sport”–you win together or you lose together. Self has got to go.


Number Two: Love and Respect 

Love and respect the way Emmerson Eggerichs teaches it.  Ephesians 5:33 tells men to love their wives and women to respect their husbands. Period. That is a tough pill to swallow in some relationships. You may not see anything lovable or respectable. But when you put on unconditional love or respect towards a good-willed person (that does not have chemical addictions), because they are a child of God just like you, even when their present behavior doesn’t justify this, you will see them change. Never put yourself in harm’s way. Let me make it clear, abuse is never acceptable. If there is a dictator or doormat in your home, y’all are doing this wrong!  

This is the same kind of love and respect our Heavenly Father bestows on us. Emotional intimacy will increase and your spouse will be drawn to it because it is so contrary to how our world says to respond.

Please read our blog, Intimacy, for more information.


Number Three: Understand We Are Sinners

We are sinners living in a broken world that is controlled by Satan. Yep. As Christians, our citizenship may be in heaven, but right now we are living on “the rough side of town”. We need to know this and prepare ourselves to deal with it. “Our fight is not against flesh and blood but ….. against the powers of this dark world …..”  Ephesians 6:12. Sin comes from Hell and the only, THE ONLY, defense we have is Jesus Christ. If I can go one on one with Satan and win there would be no need for Jesus. He would have never come. There is an enemy and it is not your spouse.

Sin is behind all the fights, disagreements, arguments, and conflicts that all marriages have; and that is destroying emotional intimacy in our marriages. You didn’t marry the wrong person, but they will quickly become the wrong person if you don’t defend your home and yourself from the attacks of the enemy. The only way to do this is to know Jesus as your Lord. 

Please read our blog, Putting Jesus First In Your Relationship, for more information.


If you find yourself struggling to develop emotional intimacy with your spouse, now may be the time to consider a marriage retreat! Take time to reset with your spouse and focus on putting God back at the center of your marriage. 

Visit our events page for more information on attending one of our marriage retreats, we would love to virtually see you there!