Marriage is an amazing gift from God. Yet often, the greatest gifts aren’t always cherished the way they should be. There’s a battle over marriages today, and the enemy wants nothing more than to destroy them all.

But we don’t have to let him win.

God certainly has a better way, He’s the One who created marriage. His words provide guidance, wisdom, strength and hope when we face lies from the enemy about our marriages.

 

1. Being in love and feeling happy are the most important things in my marriage.

Imagine a marriage where the husband and wife think marriage is supposed to make them happy. They are miserable whenever conflicts and setbacks arise and may eventually want to walk away from the marriage altogether. 

Consider how different this couple would feel if they approached marriage with the focus of growing into more mature, agape-loving people who helped each other do the same. Each day would be an opportunity to learn something new about marriage and about each other. Each day would open the door for them to grow into more fully loving and wholehearted people. And, yes, both of them would be content, peaceful, and even happy as a result.

God made us each and differently.  We don’t do life the same way. Our “favorites” are different–sometimes we struggle with “where do you want to eat?”, “what movie do you want to see?”  So, things like tithing, number of children and how to discipline them, aging parents, and job layoffs can and do create tremendous stress and unhappiness in our relationships.  

Unhappiness does not mean that you have married the wrong person. It may mean you have the wrong expectations for your marriage. God’s goal for marriage was not just to “make us happy.” The truest picture of marriage is that it symbolizes the love of Christ for us.  And His desire for us all is that we be made more into the image of Himself.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her… and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” Eph. 5:25, 33

2. Sex anytime I want it & someone who will always listen.

Well ….  Not exactly.  Somebody in this relationship does not want sex 24/7, nor do they always want to talk for an hour.  You know who is who in your marriage. So what do you do about that? You live with it. Life is not your honeymoon.  When you truly begin to do life together and not “my way”, all this will get better.  

Everybody goes into marriage with a “me” mentality.  We don’t realize how powerful “self” and selfishness really are until we are married.  Dating or living together is not the same as marriage. Marriage is not extended dating.  This person doesn’t go home–your home is their home and now to your surprise, things aren’t going the way you had hoped.  There is nothing wrong! You have work to do. You both need to learn how to be married–especially to each other.  And there is no dictator and no doormat in this home!  If marriage is possibly the greatest institution God has given us, how do we do it His way?  

3. I’m not the problem in this relationship–my spouse is.

You must believe two things in order to fight this lie. First, there is nothing about your fallen self that is “good.” The Bible clearly says that all of us come into the world with an inclination toward badness, which is referred to as the “flesh,” or “sin nature.” Secondly, you have to believe that you are not a better person than your spouse. Each of us comes into the world with a bent to do sinful things.

The answer to this lie is in Jesus.  He takes our sinful nature away from us and replaces it with grace, mercy, love, respect, forgiveness, understanding, and repentance. We get to choose — His way or the world’s way. 

In Art of Marriage, “The problem with your marriage is you, and the problem is you,” the counselor said to the young couple in his office. 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” 1 Cor. 13:4-5

We are both the problem unless we learn what Jesus is all about.  Even then, the enemy gets in it and deceives one of us and we still screw it up.  But, if we have been doing life with a spouse that is a committed Christian, we welcome their gentle corrections when they see what we cannot.  This is iron sharpening iron and the way God intended for us to be married. Join together against the enemy. 

4. If you need help, it’s too late.

By God’s design, men and women are as different emotionally and relationally as they are physically.  But we don’t see this until we marry when our real personalities show up during the stress of life. We want our spouse to do life the way we do it and this causes conflict.  If your marriage struggles with this don’t freak out–get help–the sooner the better..

Sometimes this can be the beginning of a great marriage. We recommend pre-marital counseling to anyone about to get married. Counseling can help couples grow in their marriage and their relationship with Jesus Christ. 

Proverbs 15:22 “Without consultation, plans are frustrated. But with many counselors they succeed.” 

Marriage counseling does not have to be with a professional therapist. It is also not a sign of weakness. A marriage mentor, a good friend, or a weekend retreat could work. You never know where wise counsel will come from. See it, embrace it, and don’t believe the lie that it is over if you need it.